How to Cope with a Spouse’s Negative Attitude

Is your spouse a negative person? Does he or she consistently zero in on what’s wrong with you and the marriage while overlooking the many positives?

If so, it’s also quite possible that your spouse is just a negatively-oriented person about most things—work, the marriage, other people, the future, and life in general. Perhaps as time goes by, your spouse is becoming even more negative, critical, and complaining.

When I first talked to “Leigh” (not her real name), she was ready to leave her marriage because of her husband’s constant negativity. “Al” was a master at finding fault with Leigh’s decisions and suggestions. He had a sharp wit and could deliver zingers without batting an eye.

If Leigh suggested a picnic, Al responded with complaints about the perils of fire ants, killer bees, and sudden thunderstorms. Whenever she made a suggestion, Al would discourse on what was wrong with the idea and why it wouldn’t work.

If he did agree to go along with one of Leigh’s ideas or suggestions, he always expected the worse or talked about the negative aspects. In addition, Al was very critical.

The restaurant they tried was “too expensive,” the dinner conversation with friends was “too boring,” the movie was “too long,” the weekend camping trip was “too much work,” a gift from a family member was “stingy,” and the people at the church they visited were “hypocrites.” His boss is “an idiot,” his job “sucks,” and his life is “the pits.”

Since a negative attitude is highly contagious, it was challenging for Leigh to be around Al and not lose her normally positive orientation. She often felt drained and deflated in spirit after her interactions with Al. When she realized that he was becoming more negative the older he got and that she was starting to resent his attitude, she consulted with me.

Eight Steps to Overcome Negativity

If you’re in the same situation—married to a spouse with a negative attitude—I would give you the same recommendations that I gave Leigh. Here’s what you can do:

1. Deliberately cultivate friendships with other individuals and couples who have positive attitudes and who are fun to be around. Try to expand you and your spouse’s circle of friends to include couples who would be good role models for your mate and spend time with those couples.

Cut back on spending time with friends who encourage your spouse’s negative comments and attitude and slowly over time try to add individuals and couples who are strong positive influences.

2. Be sure that you have friends, activities, hobbies, and interests in your life that “feed your soul” and help you stay on a positive track. If things in your marriage aren’t what you wish they were, then you need to find satisfaction and joy in other areas to keep you centered and balanced emotionally.

Listen to inspiring songs and read inspirational books. “Feed” yourself a diet of positive messages that encourage and motivate you.

3. Monitor your moods to be sure that you’re not getting tangled up in what are commonly called “co-dependency” issues. That’s when you let your mood be determined and set by someone else.

An example would be if you were depressed all day because your spouse was in a bad mood at breakfast. Just because he’s in a funk doesn’t mean that you can’t have an enjoyable day. You don’t have to let your mate’s mood determine your mood or spoil your day.

Don’t give away your personal power. Take responsibility for creating your own happiness instead of being so influenced by your spouse’s negative attitude.

4. Keep a gratitude journal where you list what you’re thankful for each day. Form the habit of sharing with your spouse things that you’re thankful for. At dinner, for example, you might talk about how helpful the clerk at the grocery store was or tell about the favor a co-worker did for you that you appreciate.

If you’re thankful for seeing a beautiful bird or a lovely flowering tree, share your feelings. If you feel blessed by the kindness of a friend, share that. Even if what you say doesn’t impact your mate, you need to hear yourself expressing gratitude and appreciation for the gifts that you’ve been given. This helps you to keep focused on what’s right with your life instead of what’s wrong with it.

5. Try not to judge your spouse or make him or her “wrong” for being so negative. There are many factors that can influence a person’s attitudes: the attitudes they learned from their parents, their experiences growing up, low self-esteem, intense stress, clinical depression, a habit of negative self-talk, life disappointments and discouragement, and lack of hope.

Sometimes individuals who are negative think they are being “realistic” or helpful by “calling a spade a spade.” Others may think they are witty for delivering clever “zingers” and criticisms.

6. Schedule a time to talk to your partner about your concerns. Without sounding judgmental or “preachy,” give some specific examples of how her (or his) negativity has impacted you significantly. Perhaps your spouse is not even aware of just how negative she has become, or perhaps she is feeling depressed and needs to talk to her doctor or a counselor.

If your spouse reacts in anger, stay calm and non-defensive. State that you’d rather share your feelings now than have them fester underground and cause even more problems later.

7. If nothing changes after your talk with your spouse, write him (or her) a letter outlining your feelings and concerns about your reactions to his negative attitude. State that you want to look forward to your interactions and time with him, but you’re afraid the constant negativity will eventually affect your feelings.

In the letter, tell your spouse how much you value him and your marriage and that you love him deeply. Ask your mate to go to marriage counseling with you so that your marriage will stay strong and satisfying for both of you.

8. If your spouse is not willing to address the problem by talking with you or going to counseling, then make an appointment to see a counselor by yourself. You’ll need support and help in determining just what the next step needs to be—trying again to communicate verbally or in writing, or trying to adjust and live with things as they are, or in an extreme case, considering a temporary marital separation.

You’ll need a deep commitment to staying positive and upbeat to be able to withstand the strong negativity in your marriage relationship. The encouraging news, however, is that according to Robert H. Schuller, “It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts.”

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-creator of Overcome Control Conflict with Your Spouse or Partner, available at http://www.ControllingSpouse.com She is also co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says I don't love you anymore! which is available at www.KeepYourMarriage.com , as well as a free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine . Dr. Wasson offers telephone and email coaching to individuals and couples who want to overcome relationship problems and create a rewarding, loving partnership.

How To Develop Your Own Personal Mission Statement

Your personal development and motivation is the key to a successful and happy life. If you want to feel fulfilled from day to day then you need to know what makes you tick and how to get it. You need to be able to meet your goals and even exceed them and with a personal mission statement you will be that much closer to being in the position to do so.

Even businesses are getting in on these mission statements. They are a great way to make it known to yourself and others just where you want to be and what your goals really are. When you know your goal you can be constantly working towards them. If you simply bumble through life you will not stay on course with the same amount of steady ease. Everyone can benefit from a mission statement and if you want to get where you are going you will start writing your own today.

Your personal mission statement is not only about getting what you want out of work or the people around you, it is also about giving back to the world and your loved ones. This mission statement will help you to find out just where you stand in the world and help you to find out just what you should be doing for those around you. Take your time with this mission statement and see how you can change the world for the better. If you know that there is more that you could be doing for the entire world then this will help you to realize those dreams as well.

Your personal mission statement will help you to evolve into the person that you have always dreamed of becoming. If you are sick and tired of being the kind of person who simply lets things happen to them then a mission statement is for you. You will become a person to reckon with, a powerhouse of determination and skill. This statement is going to change your entire life for the better and it will begin to do so immediately. As soon as you take the step to start writing it you are going to begin to grow and evolve in ways that you ever thought that you could.

Start with just a simple pen and paper. Sit down and write about the person that you are today. Do you like yourself? Do you think that there are areas in your person that you could improve? Write about it and how you are going to change for the better and how you are going to do it. Focus also on your strengths and your abilities. Write how you want to change and in what areas of your life as well as about the goals that you want to see yourself meet over time. Which goals are short term ones and which are long terms goals. Write down all of the personal tings that you want to see happen and change in your life and you will change from that day forward.



Dana Goldberg, Author

You Have Always A Choice

Here is a great article that I would like to share with you by Rene Graeber. I think it makes some very good and valid points. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

People often say they have no choice when faced with a dead end. They say they have no choice but to take the one direction available, which is often a wrong one.

When they say that remark, they must understand that they have to take the blame for the consequences of what they will do.

However, truth is far from the often-circulated concept that man has no choice.

We do have choices. As long as you have rights to protect, you have a choice. When rights are denied, then so are options. When you let your rights be denied, this too is an option.

Just look at slaves. Most of them obey not out of willingness, but because they have no rights; and thus, they have no choice but to obey. Yet, in another light, it is really their choice that they are slaves. Even not having a choice is still a choice.

Some are willing slaves. They voluntarily throw their rights away because they believe the person to whom they render service to is worthy of treating them as such.

Some simply accept their lot as slaves, and that is their choice. Some refuse to be slaves and choose to assert their rights. All these are choices.

The kind of life you have is the life you choose. You cannot blame anyone for how your life ends up.

For instance, you can choose to live happily or miserably. It all depends on you. If you live a hectic life, that’s because you choose to be busy. No one can force a kind of life upon you, not even a superior who points a gun to your head. Every choice has its consequence.

Thus, if you choose to be healthy, live up to that choice. Be healthy. The choice will have to be followed by a decision to be disciplined.

Being disciplined means that you must exert effort to attain and maintain a healthy body. Eat right, exercise right, sleep right, and live right.

Don’t blame anyone else if you get sick. Getting sick is a choice. Some people cannot afford to be healthy because they choose not to afford it.

They can spend for something else but not for good health. To be able to prioritize good health in your budget, you have to live a simple life. Every choice entails a consequence, so you have to live up to your choices.



Do you believe that you can attain anything your heart desires? I'm telling you, you can! Rene Graeber uses and teaches will power and mind control for more than 10 years. Visit his website and learn how to unleash your full potential of your mind - just visit http://www.will-power-mind-control.com

How To Be The Best That You Can Be

Have you ever wondered why it is that some people seem to succeed at everything they decide to do, while others struggle through life never quite finding the success and fulfillment that in a sense is everyone’s right?

You might have done more than wonder. It might even be that you’ve felt envious of others’ successes … and begrudged them their fame, riches, big house, fast car or whatever. I must admit to having done my share of that when I was struggling and convincing myself that some had all the luck, while others had none.

But then I began to wonder whether they actually had endless luck … or something else. And I began to read up on the subject – autobiographies of successful people such as Richard Branson and Robert T. Kiyosaki – and books on how to achieve.

I learned something very interesting: the way we look at things makes all the difference between achievement and non-achievement. If we see something as impossible it quickly becomes impossible, whereas if we start looking hard for possibilities these start presenting themselves. It’s a question of ‘I can if I think I can’, which might seem simplistic – but then life is often simpler than we think!

Everything begins with a thought. Alexander Graham Bell could not have invented the telephone without first thinking that such a device must be within the bounds of possibility. Likewise Sir Alexander Fleming, discoverer of penicillin, and that other famous Fleming – Ian, creator of 007 James Bond. Imagine how much poorer we’d all be without ‘phones, antibiotics and the super-spy whose antics both on the written page and our cinema and TV screens have held millions enthralled!

And start imagining how you could improve your situation by thinking different thoughts. Instead of thinking ‘I wish I had his/her money, lifestyle, private plane, island etc’ start thinking of all that you do have and counting your blessings. As you count them, perhaps – if appropriate - starting with your health, you’ll begin to see that things could be a lot worse than they are and you can move on from there to develop an attitude of plenty rather than of lack.

I used to be forever focusing on what I couldn’t afford, rather than on what I could. One of my favorite expressions was ‘I can’t justify the cost of that’. Bit by bit I took myself in hand, developing a different attitude and beginning to understand that I was creating my own destiny. When I made a negative choice it was almost inevitable that there was a negative outcome, whereas when I erred on the side of the positive (thinking ‘I can’ instead of ‘I can’t’) the outcomes of my decisions started improving.

As these improved, so did my attitude – unless it all began with my attitude? Once I stopped focusing on lack and started permitting the flow of good things I found after a while that I lacked nothing.

I also found more to like about myself than I had found when I let envy color my perceptions. And the more I liked, the more I believed that absolutely anything is possible – which indeed it is, if you set out to be the best that you can be!

© Pamela Glynn



I am a published author with particular interest in self-development. If you enjoyed this article I GUARANTEE you will LOVE my recently completed e-book about a baby bird's inspiring path to maturity. DUSTY'S JOURNEY can be accessed via: http://www.dustysjourney.com

Article Source: http://www.positivearticles.com